get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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