the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
