You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
