i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
