she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
