i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My cat gives me a boner
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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