So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
