why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
