This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
