Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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