What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
