he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
