have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
