So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
