you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
