Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
