My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
