my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
