I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
