no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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