guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there is puke in my bra ... again
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