i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
