I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
