A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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