i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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