I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
