If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
so let's talk penis.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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