don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
