I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
