Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
