I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
