Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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