Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
