You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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