I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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