are you still at the devil's house?
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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