i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
