i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
tell your sister to shave her snatch
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
