Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
