I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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