Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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