If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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