Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
