I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
well you can't waste a boner
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
