My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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