my mouth tastes like poor choices
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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