Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
