I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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