WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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