i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Holy sore nipples Batman
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
