You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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