Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
