Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
